I am posting this over a month late because this post felt a little too vulnerable for a while (…and then I forgot about it). I left it virtually untouched. Here it is:
Friday, October 13th.
11:00 am on my roof.
It’s sunny but air still tastes like smoke and campfire after all the fires in Napa. This week I have been an emotional wreck.
THEN I left for class and as I was walking I was typing this:
“I was writing in the roof and the campanile starting singin it’s 12 o clock tune and now I’m walking to a class that starts in 4 minutes. At first I was like , no, I can’t go, I’m feeling too many things. But then I looked up and was like no, I can go. That’s pretty big for me considering it’s been so hard for me to go to class this semester. On a normal day if I was really into a drawing I wouldnt go. If I was feeling any kind of emotional something I wouldn’t go. But I think the first step to recollecting my identity is doing things that I know I can do. First step: go to class. Second step: learn things in class and be the student I know myself to be in my heart (a nerd, thank you). Third step:
OH MY GOSH as I was walking I ran into two of my favorite people: Che and Aaran. Che is Gabrielle’s boyfriend (who was in my Spanish class freshman year and then came on the Ski and Snowboard club trip to Colorado in January where we really became friends and then Gabrielle and him are now buddies of love 💕 ) and Aaran is Che’s fun, loud British roommate who CAN SEW AND MAKES DOPE PANTS. We went to a ski club party last night which was SO FUN and I wore a pink juicy tracksuit and made like 20 Snapchat friends hahah (and hopefully real friends too ahhaha). As I passed them Aaran turns around and yells in British “Elise, you are something else!” DAWWJANDKCKXMANAND!!! 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕☀️☀️☀️☀️🙈🙈🙈🙈 AARAN!
Friends can really light up your day and make you remember that you’re loved 🙂
Once I got to my Chinese Literature class I continued writing a bit:
…And then I started paying attention.
So anyway, the reason I’m sharing this is because I’ve been trying to write about my identity crisis for a while but this week pretty much encompassed it.